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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Physical Education: (Part One)

My Health-O-Meter brand bathroom scales were beginning to leak out state secrets. This is, of course, considered treason, and as everyone knows, the penalty for treason is death. I don’t own a gun, so a firing squad was out of the question. There are no trees in my yard, so a good old fashioned hanging was not a physical possibility. My son, however, does own a couple of baseball bats – one of them aluminum.

On that Friday, I gave the scales a little love tap – just enough to let them know I meant business. “Get your act together, or there will be repercussions.”

At that point, it had not yet become an emotional issue for me. It was a onetime breach of security, and I was sure the scales would understand the gravity of the situation. I decided it was best that I and the Health-O-Meter spent some time apart that weekend as a cooling off period.

“I’ll be back on Sunday. I don’t want to have this conversation again.”


The Health-O-Meter sulked non-responsively as I grabbed my weekend bag and left without another word.

A two day stay in the Outer Banks was just what I needed. My son was visiting his mother, and I had spent the last three nights catching up on grading essays. I was due for a break.

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