Sunday, January 23, 2011

Cut-throat Family Time

All weekend long, my son has been roping my girlfriend into playing video games with him. Ordinarily, he would have been outside playing sports or riding his bike. However, it has been below freezing, so he has been cooped up in the house. Finally, on Sunday evening, I could not take it anymore.

"Connor, enough is enough. Stop playing video games. We are going to sit down at the table and play a family board game together. You can pick the game."

Without even batting an eye, he chose:


Now as any parent knows, Monopoly is a game invented in the seventh circle of hell and can take hours upon hours to complete -- even if nobody cheats. Looking for the silver lining, I thought, Hey at least he can practice his math, and I can even introduce him to the art of negotiating. I will take it easy on him, and maybe he will learn a little something about how to bargain.

Soooo, a mere hour and a half later as my girlfriend and I were battling it out to see who would come in second to this tycoon from the third grade, we asked, "Connor, how are you kicking our butts so bad?"

His steely eyed response: "I'm just a businessman."

We could, of course, hardly argue against this point as he owned every single property on the board except Oriental Avenue, one of the cheap blue ones.

My girlfriend then landed on one of Connor's hotels, which took her down to a lowly $2. At least I would be able to say I came in second. I then landed on Community Chest which was a godsend since it meant I had scraped by one of his $1,200 hotels.

Of course, if it isn't big business screwing the little guy, then it's the government. I had to put my last chunk of change in the kitty to pay some sort of taxes.

One turn later, my 8 year old son also put my girlfriend out of the game and left us both with these words of wisdom:

"Sometimes you got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em."

I'm not sure when Connor started hanging out with Kenny Rogers, but the next time he picks Monopoly, I will "know when to run."

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