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Saturday, April 23, 2011

Dear John Letter

My son is gone to his mom's for Easter weekend, and I am off work for Spring Break for a week for some R&R. Soooo, I had a couple of drinks last night with my neighbors.

I'm not sure what all happened, but when I woke up this morning, there was a pile of empty candy wrappers in the floor beside my  bed. When I went to the kitchen to get my morning caffeine fix (Diet Mt. Dew), there was an empty bag of min-muffins on the counter. How odd is that? Hmm.

So anyway, I went into the bathroom like every morning to check the weight loss progress. The funny thing is, the scales were missing. I assumed they must be hiding under the bed and thought nothing more about it. However, as I pulled some toilet paper off the roll to blow my nose, I found this note written on the roll:

Dear Dean,
My family has finally made me see the light. I cannot continue to live with this kind of regular abuse. At first, I thought maybe it was me, but I have done nothing to deserve this treatment. I sit here everyday and wonder, what will happen in the morning. Will he lose a pound or two and love me all day? Or will he gain a pound and bring the bat out yet again? I cannot take the constant fear, the not knowing. I want you to be happy, but I cannot let your happiness come at the cost of my own suffering. I know that you will find another set of scales in time. I hope you have learned from our relationship, and then when you do find that next set, maybe you can both be happy together.

All My Love,
Health-O-Meter Bathroom Scales

Well, ain't that about a bitch.

2 comments:

  1. You are retarded! lol You crack me up!

    ReplyDelete