Saturday, December 10, 2011

Converting New Tar Heels - One Student at a Time!

Published with permission of the author
Go Tar Heels!
By Bethany

I believe you are aware by now, Professor Roughton, that I am an old school student who is new to The College of the Albemarle. I am determined to work hard and perform to the very best of my abilities in Expository Writing, as well as all my other classes. What I may not always exhibit in natural grammatical or mechanical grace in my essay writing, I like to think I make up for in determination, motivation, enthusiasm, and creativity. Until recently, it has been quite a few years since I have had the opportunity to attend school. I am determined this time around to take full advantage of this opportunity, so I’ll be soaking up as much knowledge as I can; doing my very best; and earning the highest grades possible. I don’t know a lot about you, Professor Roughton, but I do know these two things for sure: you are passionate about the proper use of the English language with its countless rules of proper grammar and mechanics, and you are a serious University of North Carolina (UNC) Tar Heels sports fan. Perhaps we can help each other with our efforts. I would really like to earn an awesome grade in your class (preferably an A); in addition, I’m sure you would like the Tar Heels to continue to play well as a team and continue to prosper as a franchise. I would like to propose that if I continue to work hard, exert my full effort, and vow to become a full-fledged UNC Tar Heels fan, perhaps you will consider giving me that A. It would be a win-win situation in that I would feel good about being the best possible student I can be by earning an excellent grade, and it would simultaneously help your favorite team continue to thrive. Another perk would be that your stress levels would hit an all-time low and perhaps even create additional “spare” time available to you.

As a student, I try very hard to be the exemplary pupil. I strive to be consistently punctual, thorough, creative, constructive, honest, and considerate of my teachers, classmates, guidelines, and deadlines. It is my hope that my efforts will be reflected in my grades. I am very motivated to be the very best student I can be not only now, but better than I have in my whole life. I feel like I have more to prove this time around as a student because I don’t take my education for granted like I did years ago when I last was enrolled as a full time student. I desire the good grades now, so I put in the extra effort to continuously work hard to attain them. I spend most every free moment that I have studying and working on my assignments.
And I still manage to squeeze in time for my youngest son and his homework, household chores, meal preparation, exercise; and sometimes I am even able to find time to get some sleep.

In the event that my hard work, studying, and completing assignments to the best of my ability on time is not enough, I would like to have a backup plan in place; a “plan B” for my A, if you will. That is where the next part of my proposal comes in, Professor Roughton. If I should become a Tar Heels fan, I believe I can help them continue to thrive in team spirit as well as financially. To clarify: by a Tar Heels fan, I mean a true, die-hard, Tar Heels fan (much like yourself). I’m talking about purchasing stock in their organization, baseball caps, t-shirts, sweatshirts, shoelaces, sign in the yard, stickers on the car, face paint on game day - the works! You see, if I start cheering for the Tar Heels during all their games, and even attending some of their home and close-to-home games, I’m hoping this would help increase team morale, resulting in more wins. Then, when I convince both my sons to become fans for life, there will be two more fans. They will subsequently convince their friends, future significant others and future descendants. That may very well result in another probably fifty years of committed fans, just for one A. When you additionally consider my purchases of Tar Heels sports gear and accessories for not only me, but my kids, my car, and even my pets,
I will be helping the Tar Heels franchise thrive, even in this less-than-marvelous economy. The Tar Heels will even benefit from the added advertising my family and I will display not just now, but for many years to come. I am prepared to further my offer by purchasing large, family-size tubs of Carolina blue face paint for all my family members and friends this holiday season; wouldn’t you agree that kind of commitment of future support to the Tar Heels already abundant fan base would be priceless? One might even consider this one A to be a literal investment in the future success of the Tar Heel’s franchise.
As a busy professor, I’m sure you are busy working all the time, and it must sometimes be difficult to juggle your work, Tar Heels supporting, and all your other extracurricular activities. In fact, you may even find yourself having nightmares about tragically written essays by mischievous, practically illiterate students; submitting essays with their numerous sentence fragments, incorrect punctuation, improper grammar, and incoherent vocabulary usage. Wouldn’t you like to hear how I might be able to help you lower stress and, therefore, sleep better? Professor Roughton, I think I should receive an A because with the addition of my family and myself to the Tar Heels’ fan-base, you can rest assured that there are people out there rooting for them on your behalf, no matter what. Even if you need to miss one game, or record it in your DVR it for later, the Tar Heels will not lose out on the energy that your encouraging does to motivate them during their actual games. So, our cheering and attending as many “live” Tar Heels games as possible may help you have lower stress levels and more time for fun and relaxation in your spare time. Just think if you need to take a day off from being UNC’s number  
one fan, you would be able to take that occasional warm, sunny Saturday afternoon to pamper yourself and do something you really love and are passionate about, like continuing your incessant quest for the perfectly executed essay, and diligently searching high and low to ascertain and prosecute grammatical and mechanical offenders while reading and grading the continuous supply of hum-drum or catastrophic essays. On a side note, depending on the performance and subject matter of the pieces, having more time to read them may help you with sleep issues as well.
So in my pursuit to earn as many A’s as possible, I implore you, Professor Roughton, to please join in and help me get my A. I will do my part by becoming UNC’s newest, biggest fan (besides you of course); I will contribute to their team morale by supporting them, cheering and showing my team spirit during all their games, and I will attend as many of their sporting events as possible. I will additionally support their future financial and advertising efforts by recruiting my children and pets as fans, purchasing as much team paraphernalia as I possibly can for myself, my children, my car, and even a cute little Carolina blue Tar Heels doggie sweater for my dog. By now you should be sitting a little more comfortably in your chair, Professor Roughton. With the peace of mind that comes with knowing that one of your students has your back and will step up to give you some much needed support, by helping to alleviate the pressure of being the Tar Heels’ number one fan. You will additionally be able to sleep better knowing that you’ll be giving a fellow Tar Heels fan an excellent and well-deserved A.

For what it's worth, go Tar Heels!


  1. So did she get an A?!?!?

  2. I can neither legally nor ethically comment on a student's grade, but I wouldn't post a crap essay on my blog either! lol

  3. That's right! Go Heels! lol

  4. I hope she got an A. Go Heels!