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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Money Talks...

My friend, Billie Jo, posted this as her Facebook status:

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

I responded with:

Shoot, mine show a cardboard box over a vent on the sidewalk.

We have all heard the expression "money talks", but what does it say? If your scenic checks reflected your bank balance, or even some other aspect of your life, what would be the image on them?

Post your response as a comment below.  This should be pretty good.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Diaper Wars

So the reason I am home in the middle of the day is karma.

You see, this random baby (We'll call her Savannah since I have a work trip coming up in Savannah, Georgia, and really, isn't Savannah just a cool sounding name anyway?) OK, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by myself, this random baby, Savannah, pulled up to the house a couple days ago and just crawled all in like she owned the place.

I was like well damn, just come on in and make yourself at home why don't you. She just laughed and kept on scooting, carpet swimming really, across the floor. After Michael Phelpsing her way through the living room and into the bedroom where I was watching ESPN, we got caught up in conversation. I mean, when a random baby driving an Explorer busts up in your house, the least you can do is chit chat until the cops get there to arrest her for breaking and peeing.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Things I Learned from a Cub Scout Lock In

  1. Not all parents teach their children to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom.
  2. Not all parents teach their children to flush the toilet after #1.
  3. Not all parents teach their children to flush the toilet after #2.
  4. A non-flushed #2 toilet is a source of endless delight for little boys.
  5. Children will fight over the perfect apple slice even if the tray has another 172 identical slices.
  6. Children could find a way to cut their fingers even if you placed them in a plastic bubble inside of a rubber room and cryogenically froze them.
  7. The most prim, most proper epitome of parenting patience and Christian ideology, after the 75th time of telling children to go to sleep and upon finding their air mattress leaked down to the concrete floor, will in fact drop the F-bomb under their breath.
  8. Under list of supplies, just beneath popcorn and DVDs, should be listed a Sam's Club size container of Nyquil and/or Benadryl.
  9. A pee peed sleeping bag smells worse than the back room of a cat lady's house with three month old kitty litter in July with the windows nailed shut .
  10. It is useless to survey a dozen children on their breakfast choices as each child will change his or her mind no less than 17 times in the half hour it takes to get the food from stove to table.
  11. Passed gas bounces loudly off of a rubber air mattress and reverberates off of tent walls, setting up a domino effect down through half a dozen kid's tents, which in turn sets off a chain reaction of a half hour of giggling and flashlights which presumably can magically detect "who dealt it."
  12. The parents who contributed the least to the whole activity will also be the ones who leave the earliest.
  13. "That was the best day and night ever!" from your 8 year old is a powerful enough comment to make you consider embarking on the insanity again next year.