Saturday, December 10, 2011

Converting New Tar Heels - One Student at a Time!

Published with permission of the author
Go Tar Heels!
By Bethany

I believe you are aware by now, Professor Roughton, that I am an old school student who is new to The College of the Albemarle. I am determined to work hard and perform to the very best of my abilities in Expository Writing, as well as all my other classes. What I may not always exhibit in natural grammatical or mechanical grace in my essay writing, I like to think I make up for in determination, motivation, enthusiasm, and creativity. Until recently, it has been quite a few years since I have had the opportunity to attend school. I am determined this time around to take full advantage of this opportunity, so I’ll be soaking up as much knowledge as I can; doing my very best; and earning the highest grades possible. I don’t know a lot about you, Professor Roughton, but I do know these two things for sure: you are passionate about the proper use of the English language with its countless rules of proper grammar and mechanics, and you are a serious University of North Carolina (UNC) Tar Heels sports fan. Perhaps we can help each other with our efforts. I would really like to earn an awesome grade in your class (preferably an A); in addition, I’m sure you would like the Tar Heels to continue to play well as a team and continue to prosper as a franchise. I would like to propose that if I continue to work hard, exert my full effort, and vow to become a full-fledged UNC Tar Heels fan, perhaps you will consider giving me that A. It would be a win-win situation in that I would feel good about being the best possible student I can be by earning an excellent grade, and it would simultaneously help your favorite team continue to thrive. Another perk would be that your stress levels would hit an all-time low and perhaps even create additional “spare” time available to you.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Over the Counter Meds

The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest and tolerate idiocy in class tomorrow medicine.

Don't judge me.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I'm On Fire

You know that guy who starts his morning routine with a red Solo cup full of Diet Mt. Dew. Yeah, you know him. The same guy who chases that with a 5-Hour Energy shot while he puts his breakfast on to cook. The same guy who then gets another red Solo cup of Diet Dew.

The same guy who then cranks up "If I Ruled the World" by NAS, "The R" by Eric B. and Rakim, and "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie  - all while dancing around the bedroom and bathroom with the grace and energy of a toddler who consumed a 5 pound bag of granulated sugar, mixed with a teaspoon of crystal meth.

The same guy who has to turn down Pandora radio to figure out the smoke alarm is going off.

The same guy who then remembers his eggs boiling on the stove - only they are no longer boiling because all the water is gone from the pot, and the eggs are cracked and scorched.

Yeah, I am that guy.