Thursday, April 4, 2013

Learn to Eat Guilt Free!!!

Does this look like your idea of a good time?

How about this?

Or this?
Or even this?
So what's stopping you from living your dream and enjoying these tasty foods and beverages?

I'm willing to bet that the warmer weather and threat of the oncoming season of lighter, shorter, more revealing clothing have combined to breed that most dreaded of human emotional experiences: guilt.

Well, my friends, I am here to help you overcome this painful experience. I am pleased to announce that I am now offering a new personal enrichment course called "Guilt Avoidance Therapy."  Classes run six days a week at $5 per session, and require almost no effort on your part.

Simply bring your cheeseburger, pizza, fried chicken, milkshake, or other delicious food of choice along with your desire to eat in a guilt free fashion. While you eat, you will watch me work out for 50 minutes on Insanity during which time you will get to see Shaun T kick my ass up one side of Weeksville and down the other, which will result in me:
  • sweating profusely
  • limping
  • cussing like a sailor (when I have enough air to do so)
  • falling down
  • crying like a little girl
In no time at all, your guilt over this...

will be squashed like a bug by your fear of having to suffer through this...
So the next time you feel the urge to eat a healthy salad or go for that disgusting, non-fat mayo instead of the real thing, just remember our motto: Fear Crushes Guilt!
Classes are forming now. The first 20 customers receive a CD of all my best exercise related weeping sounds.
So what are you waiting for? Act now and learn to Eat Guilt Free for the rest of your life!!!


  1. Can I bring Krsipy Kreme doughnuts? :)

  2. Absolutely! We don't judge your lard of choice!

  3. I will come watch you suffer if I can have that giant Hershey's bar!!! lol

  4. Hershey bar not included in course list price. lol

  5. So...It's been several weeks. How's Insanity going? You should post some progress pics for your loyal readers!