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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Observations from Water Country USA


If you think wearing water shoes is not attractive/sexy, just imagine how sexy your butt will be limping around with blistered feet after walking barefoot on scorching concrete all day. (Anybody got any foot aloe?)

Also, Water Country USA is a family place. Wearing a netted bikini with two square inches of cloth over your orifices would be inappropriate even if you didn't have more cottage cheese than the dairy section of Food Lion.

Finally, I apologize for squishing the tiny human at the end of the water slide. I'm sorry you are now traumatized for life by a sunburned Sasquatch in Carolina blue swim trunks falling on you from the sky, but that's why the life guard was telling you to get out of the exit pool and stop swimming around.

Now everybody go get wet this summer!

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