Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Some Like It Hot

Having recently finished the manuscript for my book project, I was in the mood for a mini-celebration. Since only a spicy meal could match my mood, I went to one of the 639 Mexican restaurants in our relatively small town where I ordered spicy tomatillo sauce instead of the usual salsa with my chips. The pretty waitress seemed extra friendly, and I could tell right away she was attracted to me, most likely sensing my imminent publishing greatness, so I was extra friendly right back.

Hoping to make an impression by making her work a little lighter, I used my napkin to wipe up a trail of the dribbled tomatillo salsa and then set it to the side. A few minutes later, the waitress checked on me and then went to get my bill.

Trying to shovel down the remaining chips and salsa before she returned, I got a hunk of particularly spicy pepper stuck in the back of my throat, which led to a coughing spell, which led to my eyes watering, which led to my nose beginning to run – just as the waitress turned the corner to return to my table.

In desperation, I grabbed my napkin to blow my nose; placing the napkin to my nostrils, I inhaled deeply to make sure I had enough air for a good blow, and when the wiped up tomatillo sauce hit my nasal cavity, I exploded in a fit of tears and sneezing, accompanied by a full blown snot waterfall.

The waitress never even slowed down as she paper air-planed my check the remaining couple of feet to my table. As she passed a waiter, she jerked her head in my direction and asked, “Cuál es su problema?”  (What’s his problem?)

The waiter, his arms stacked five plates deep, pirouetted to get a better look at me and, coming full circle back to the waitress, responded very matter-of-factly, “Cocaína.”

And that's how my taco addiction apparently escalated to narcotics.

Monday, August 12, 2013

FREE copy! Who wants it?

This is a random picture of my kid and his puppy because my audience likes stuff that's cute. (Well, most of them do anyway. Except you over there hiding your smart phone because you don't want your boss to see what you were looking at before this. You, ma'am, are in trouble!)

Ok, now that I have shamelessly exploited my son and dog (who are both way bigger than this now by the way) to get your attention, let's get down to bidniz.

FREE! FREE FREE! (Did I mention free?)

Join Ginger Cahoon Hassell (the winner of the write a blurb for the book cover contest) in earning a free autographed copy of The Most Educated Idiot I Know! The manuscript is on the way to the beta readers and copy editor, and the cover art is in progress. This means the book is ever so close to hitting shelves, and that means it's time to share this awesome news with as many as people as possible.

So here's the deal. Go to my author page on Facebook and make sure you have already liked it. (If you are already there, look at how smart you are! You are way ahead of everyone else in this contest!) Share the page (not this post but the actual page) with as many people as possible. To do that, look at the right hand corner just beneath the Lego box cover pic. See that little sprocket doodad thingie with a drop down arrow? Ok, click the drop down arrow and choose share.  In your message, encourage your friends to go like the page (not the post you just shared with them).
After that, spread the word with as many social media platforms as you can: tweet it, pin it, email it, text it, word of mouth it. Hell, send smoke signals if you are so inclined. The point is to get as many new likes for the page as possible, so people will be able to see the wonderifical announcement we have all been waiting for that will say, "TADA! The book is out!"
So now how exactly do we know who the winner is? Glad you asked!
When you have folks (by whatever means necessary) like the author page, ask them to post a message to the wall saying who sent them. The person with the most referrals wins the fancy, schmancy autographed copy of the book plus an all expense paid trip to Hawaii (all trip expenses paid by you)!
The contest will run up until just before the book is launched. This time frame depends on some external factors, but I can promise that you will have at least two weeks. I will keep you updated as the contest is about to tend.
So what are you waiting for? Get sharing! (Or are you going to let Ginger win a second free copy, leaving you empty handed?)
Thanks for your support, and let's be careful out there!