Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Some Like It Hot

Having recently finished the manuscript for my book project, I was in the mood for a mini-celebration. Since only a spicy meal could match my mood, I went to one of the 639 Mexican restaurants in our relatively small town where I ordered spicy tomatillo sauce instead of the usual salsa with my chips. The pretty waitress seemed extra friendly, and I could tell right away she was attracted to me, most likely sensing my imminent publishing greatness, so I was extra friendly right back.

Hoping to make an impression by making her work a little lighter, I used my napkin to wipe up a trail of the dribbled tomatillo salsa and then set it to the side. A few minutes later, the waitress checked on me and then went to get my bill.

Trying to shovel down the remaining chips and salsa before she returned, I got a hunk of particularly spicy pepper stuck in the back of my throat, which led to a coughing spell, which led to my eyes watering, which led to my nose beginning to run – just as the waitress turned the corner to return to my table.

In desperation, I grabbed my napkin to blow my nose; placing the napkin to my nostrils, I inhaled deeply to make sure I had enough air for a good blow, and when the wiped up tomatillo sauce hit my nasal cavity, I exploded in a fit of tears and sneezing, accompanied by a full blown snot waterfall.

The waitress never even slowed down as she paper air-planed my check the remaining couple of feet to my table. As she passed a waiter, she jerked her head in my direction and asked, “Cuál es su problema?”  (What’s his problem?)

The waiter, his arms stacked five plates deep, pirouetted to get a better look at me and, coming full circle back to the waitress, responded very matter-of-factly, “Cocaína.”

And that's how my taco addiction apparently escalated to narcotics.


  1. Hilarious!!! You lost all of your cool points. Clearly she wasn't the one because she didn't even bother to ask if you needed water, or if you were ok.

  2. Some like it hot indeed

  3. Yes, and some need medical attention! lol